Ah, ambition! How often you fail me! Would that I might expect better results this time.

I second and third that emotion.

Just blogging that this morning (it's 6:40 am now) I was reading Relativity by Alfred Einstein, a copy of which I bought off a stand at UCLA years ago, when I noticed something poking out from one of the pages. I pulled it, and at first I thought it was from my very marijuana-like plant upstairs, but the color and shape was slightly off--it was a cannibus leaf, used to make marijuana! Hilarious!

Cannibus leaves sure are pretty. Thank God I never did that shit.

Short-term:

• Finish the books I bought
• Work harder
• Fix health issues
• Exercise more
• Try goat's milk
• Get more flexible
• Buy some sunflowers
• ..and maybe some 5-HTP?

Long-term:

• Research a possible modeling career ($) (IRL friends would NOT be happy if they knew.)
• Get better at cooking

Heh.... this is gonna take some work. Wish me luck!

Well, I just saw Happy Go Lucky, the lovely British slice-of-life film feat. a young, "happy-go-lucky" 30-year-old heroine (who really doesn't look/act it). I absolutely adored it. The main character was someone I'd love to have as a friend, and the acting was impeccable. It also made me feel more honest to myself, in the sense that it made me want to let myself be more free spirited. I'm starting to think that were I to have less turmoil in my life I could easily be a mix of her and Juno.

I'd like to think my life were more stable now, but it's not. I'm gonna try to read a little up on OCD. The Body Bears The Burden is a fascinating book on the general workings of the human mind and its reactions to stressful situations even years later, by-the-way. I'm not going to bother looking up the author as it doesn't sound like there'd be a million books by the name.

My ex-college professor friend and my editor-in-chief friend have been giving me tips for writing better fiction. It's funny how it's easier for me to read and write nonfiction than fiction, but I suppose that could very well be considered common these days. I don't know how I'll do it, but I'm gonna try to convince myself to read the newest translation of the often-referred-to first novel, Don Quixote. If you haven't heard of or read it, you fail as a reader. The one I purchased for the "low, low" price of $23 was translated by Edith Grossman, which is actually pretty good considering it's the newest translation and a 1000 page novel. (Oops, that might draw you from reading it!)

Check my Flickr if you wanna know about the other books I purchased. Books sure are expensive these days!!

I've been using, to my delight, last.fm, and after mentioning this to a friend he recommended I check out thesixtyone.com. The layout and interface is cute and inviting, but while it features some great underground bands, I found it a little lacking in content in comparison to last.fm, but I'll give it some slack as it's shiny new, still in BETA.

I recently found a really fun song, Fo-Fo by Pistol Valve. [link]
I felt the mix of genre experience on each of the member's parts really had a nice effect in this song.
I have a tendency to fear listening to the rest of an artist's songs as there's always that chance it's their only hit and the band you thought you loved never did anything else good. Thus, I know none of the band's other songs. I'm probably gonna have to get over that eventually. At least I didn't have that problem with ORESKABAND, since all of their songs are great regardless.

'Kay, that's the spiel I managed to dish out this time, and yes, that is how spiel is spelled, amazingly. Take care all.

I ran during my daily commute as usual, and ended up coughing and choking from the smoke from the nearby fires (that have consumed well over 1000 structures.) Eventually I had to come home an hour early due to a distinct pressure on my lungs and inability to breathe normally. Yay.

Strangely, though, my ear hurts. I've never heard of smoke causing ear pain, but... yeah. Strange.

Anyways, I'll try to see if my lungs return to normal. Stay indoors, Californians!

I'm sick and the hills are on fire. I have documents of extreme importance located in a certain hospital, and were the fire to destroy them I would be SCREWED. So I'm watching the news and crossing my fingers.

Anyways, no one cares if you're sick in California, so I'm going to start walking. TTYL.

A huge breakthrough has been made in the protection against HIV and AIDs. This is a huge breakthrough, and I implore anyone to check it out.

I'd write more but I need to buy more contacts (as I am out of my Dailies). TTYL.

Oh and BTW:

working on a side site Bump Up My Post -- still in extremely early stages. test it out!

I've been pretty social lately. Talking with friends, walking a lot. Due to this walking, I've also been getting more active.

On Wednesday I walked a mile or two to the nearest YMCA where my friend was going to try to beat my other friend by trying a 6 1/2 minute mile using a treadmill at 9.1 speed. She had to stop at only 3-4 minutes, which was amazing as she was going so fast her whole body had turned red. We then proceeded up to the free weights, which were on the roof of the place.

After a light workout, we started fooling around with the punching bag. A man walked up to us, completely covered in sweat and smelling of beef jerky and weed. He, humorously enough, began teaching us how to box, and taught me how to "block the opponent's chi." I find it funny that a man that almost appeared homeless randomly walked up to some young girls to teach them how to do a physical act without raping them.

Well, anyways, I'm going to try to increase my physical activity even further as I begin feeling better. My mood swings are still there, but as exercise serves as a natural mood stabilizer, I have been experiencing lesser intensity.

My mother, on the other hand, has been feeling a bit down, but I'm also getting better at reading and cheering up people, so I can only hope that those skills may kick in now. Bipolar disorder has been a very stressful thing on my family, but I hope that medical science will continue to progress and that my mother's mind may continue to grow in order to maintain a balanced lifestyle for my home and others despite this burden.

I've always had some sort of interest in cults and strange organizations, and the escapes from them. Not for any positive reason, no, rather some sort of queer, melancholy fascination with the subject. Most likely this stems from my early childhood, having been raised in a very demanding and strict household with very unusual and particular rules, whenever I was with my father.

Whether or not you have an opinion on the Church of Scientology or whether this kind of topic may interest you in the slightest, I enjoyed reading this story on "disconnection" by Paul Simmel, "disconnection," in Scientology terms, refers to the expulsion of ex-followers by their family, friends, and the Church. I learned a lot of interesting things and vocabulary terms that may be good to know in general. Regardless of your position on this topic, this is a good read.

OBAMA IS WIN!

I was with my mom and step-dad -

Mom: -burst into tears-
Step-dad: YEAH ! -breaks out champagne-

Today is a good day. Sorry about those of you who voted for another candidate! It's only four to eight years!

My days have recently been a bit drowsy, but it's that kind of hormonal week again and I figure it'll pass. As these days reach a climax of work and stress, the presidential election slowly slips into view, only enhancing the nerves pulsing through me, and the supply of 5-HTP in the cupboard slowly shrinks.

In the meantime, I'm watching "All About Eve" -- a wonderful film starring Betty Davis and Anne Baxter. I'll write more later in an update; in the meantime, I'll keep watching.

I've given up on the food thing for a while, but I figure being a vegetarian isn't the worst burden in the world at the moment. I'm having fun with my friends, which may very well be a first, and I'm actually getting - gasp - more confident. Well, this is meant to be a short post, and as such, let's end it here.

"Nagareboshi ni yume wo takushite" - HOME MADE Kazoku
"Entrust your dreams to that shooting star"

Well, I've been very stressed recently. It appears I only have three hours in the day left for myself, and most of that is spent on daily chores. I've also, as such, been neglecting to take care of my eating habits and activity.

I've been meaning to make an "eating plan" with which I could adjust my current eating habits, but I am left with no opportunity to buy food. (Rather, I have other, less interested people do it for me.)

I'm also unable to hit the gym, and other than my daily, brisk-walking commute I'm really out of weight.

Someone once told me the best way to get used to journal writing (in this case, blogging) was to do it everyday, and eventually getting used to it. Three years of blogging and I'm still not used to it. I should probably be getting worried or concerned, but I'm too busy complaining about other things to be worried about my lack of blogging-prowess. The fridge is too hot, the dishwasher only works when you lean against it, and I'm too obsessive compulsive to eat anything non-organic or has been touched by a human hand. And yet, I'm happy. Amazingly, I'm happy. I'm either insane or ridiculously optimistic. I can only hope it is the latter.

Anyways, politics. That seems to be the topic these days. Senator Prune has been wandering around the platform and Senator Hope has been waving his arms, but what really matters is who'll win. Apparently working with someone on the board of a charity who happened to be involved in a bombing fifty years ago can deny someone a presidency; meanwhile being old and having been tortured years ago makes someone a president. I say everyone go to Vietnam, ask to be captured and wrinkle their faces so that everyone can be president and then it really WILL be a fucking democracy.

My chiropractic therapy has been going amazingly well. Months ago I couldn't even stand up straight, and now I'm doing it almost all the time. This morning has been an extremely bad one in relation to my back, but I was able to swim for the first time in years yesterday. Amazing, deshou. Swimming really is fun; I used to do it everyday as a kid. I wonder when my back started to really go bad. I used to crack it a lot when my OCD first started really showing around the age of seven, so I wouldn't be surprised if my muscles started spasming shortly after that. It really was a snowball event. My memory of my childhood has been getting worse as my mood grows better, which is part of the reason why I'd like to do some actual therapy. I guess I'm just kind of scared of what I might remember.

Well, that's my blog for now. Ta-ta.
Happy carpal tunnel, kids!

I figure I should blog even just a tidbit, rather than blog nothing at all.

Sometimes I come across words that I don't understand, so I look up what it means in Japanese, and realize I still don't know what the word means; this also occurs vice versa and is an ultimate fail. (Earlier it was the term "human document" and "jinseikiroku".) I should read more, but I don't. -sigh-

I'm really out of things to say. Rather, often I find myself in front of the computer and know what happened that day, but am just too tired to think or type about it. Like now. Sore ja; I'm off to drink tea. TTYL.

Popping pills while posting links. See? I can multitask. I'm working on the site as a means of venting frustration after a nasty fight with two people closest to me yesterday.

Today's Links

The day after it all went boom

Politics

A drop of political humour
A bite of cnn opinion on the bailout's failure
A peek at the market bouncing back

Beauty & Health

A prick of hair removal
A taste of a treatment for bipolar

See ya tomorrow! Probably!

The Dow fell 778 points today, highest ever, so thought I'd give you an interesting speech:

Ignore the stupid stuff and skip to 1:17

link: What to do with your old computer

I just watched the most amazing 9/11 video in the world.

Gettin' ready to go to Petco to buy a new tray for my electronic cat box, one user of which is killing a fly on the other side of the room (and well away from my person). Despite all logic, my electronic cat box was actually a great buy, and it only needs to be changed about once a week even with three cats. I'm SO sore from my workouts and daily commute, so I should learn some new stretches soon. I've been exercising using exercises given to me by my chiropractor, who is surprisingly good. I'm also studying chronic pain caused by trauma, so maybe I'll learn even more about what's wrong. Well, in short, I'm doing well and working hard and will check in again shortly.

Sorry for not checking in for a while; been busy. I had a good workout today, then finally stopped by Dragon Herbs for the first time in a long while. Boy have they renovated! I decided to revive our beloved "garlic" tag, so I'm adding that to the tagstream.

Major renovations scheduled. I'm wondering if I should change the site name, but you wouldn't like that, would you, users? *sigh*